These people tell me I should be proud because this is the retribution I get for my effort, and that this is it, nothing else can be done. But I don’t feel satisfied, and I don’t think I will. Uncertainty sucks.
I’ve been awake for too long, solely breathing.
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crawling on the floor
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with a turntable softly untangling chords
and a voice trying to answer these questions
yelling at mysticism
grasping the surface of the sky.
awake till early morning
a very long silence in the end.
I’d work for the DARPA if there wasn’t any military operations against “adversaries” involved. Better than that, I’d work for the DARPA if it wasn’t north american AND “for national security” purposes.
They probably have this super huge budget to spend on research, testing, operations outside the US and basically, to undercover technologic terrorism in the name of peace.
It’s kinda sad.
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I tried flat twists, bantu knots, the curly faux mohawk, and it was all great til this hair got asymmetric… And now it’s yelling me “no, imma do as I please”.
Sorry, bye hair.
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how do girls feel so good about themselves when there’s so much to compete with? leaving looks behind, there are girls so intelligent, bold-minded, that aren’t afraid of their feelings, that are revolutionary, that set paradigmas and state new rules, that are so proud of who they are and know exactly what they want and what will they do in order to get it that make other girls turn their heads and think “I wish I was like that”. someone said the truth will set you free, but I believe that truth is caging some of us.
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14. I’m still trying to figure out how did I end up here and what will I do next, there’s a lot on my to-do list due now.
Cheer up, kid, you’ll make it.
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13. I can’t remember the last time I sleep well, an entire night, or at least 8 hours.
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12. I can’t give what you’re asking for. You’re telling me you miss the “old times”, the old us, the days when we can tell our secrets out loud to ourselves, and remind each other why we were like we were. I can’t give you again the same comfort and warmness you gave me once, I can’t. The fact is, we both changed, and we shouldn’t be hoping to get that back, because it happened, it’s past and it is actually, a part of us, but I don’t think it’d ever be the same. You may want so much from me, but the only thing I want from you is respect.
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11. That moment when you realize you’re about to turn 19 effin years old and you’ve not done a single great thing with your life.
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10. Sometimes it scares me. Not knowing nothing for sure, nothing. I’m wondering and creating crystal parallel worlds that crumble, and I end up with strays, leftover, sometimes, I end up with nothing.
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